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9 dating tips for plus-size women that will make your size your superpower

Dating as a plus-size woman is difficult. It’s easy to understand why: A bigoted fear of fat bodies colors interactions between plus-size women and their potential partners. There’s also the subtle — and sometimes overt — ways fat women disparage themselves.

Plus, there’s a lack of help available for fat women who want to date often and effectively. The internet is full of twisted advice on how to, essentially, take advantage of larger women by exploiting their insecurities for personal gain.

All of these stacked cards make it seem impossible for plus-size girls to find love. Seeming impossible, however, doesn’t mean it actually is. Fat women should enter the dating arena with confidence, a vision for what they want, and tools that will help them find a partner who loves, cherishes, and respects them — and their bodies.

So, here are 9 tips from a big girl to big girls about dating and finding love:

1. Take up as much space as possible.

Plus-size girls are often taught to hide our bodies. We internalize those teachings, and it shows up in everything from using a pillow to cover our stomachs to avoiding clothing that isn’t considered “flattering.”

It’s time to unlearn that. When dating, take up as much space as possible. Wear the crop-top that makes you feel sexy. Don’t order salad out of habit — instead, eat the food you want to eat.

After all, you have to be comfortable with your body before expecting a potential partner to be.

2. Be willing to take risks — even if it might come with rejection.

All women are socialized to believe that being a damsel in distress is the surefire way to nab a partner. Fuck that. Make the first move.

If there’s a cute person you’re attracted to, approach them. It’s OK if you get rejected. “I’m not interested” isn’t the end of the world — but driving yourself crazy with the shoulda, woulda, couldas is unnecessary torture. Ask them out.

3. Don’t settle for the person who wants you. Go for the person that you want.

Do not settle. You don’t have to leap for the first person who shows interest. You are a hot commodity who’s deserving of a partner that fulfills your innate sense of attraction. Furthermore, if you’re not attracted to the person approaching you, feel free to say so.

4. Promote your flaws.

You’re not a perfect person and no one should expect you to be. So, from the beginning, flaunt your flaws. For instance, don’t purport to be someone who prefers phone calls when you’re really comfortable with texting. Let your partner know what your preferences are — and stick to them.

5. Be confident about who you are and the quality you bring to a potential relationship.

You are valuable. You are an asset to any person. Let that be known from the beginning.

6. Push for the dates that allow you to be visible.

There are some people who want to hide their plus-size dates. It can be subtle, like never having dates in the daytime, or more overt, like only having Netflix and chill dates. Date people who aren’t ashamed of your body.

7. Recognize the difference between being desired and being fetishized.

There’s a fine line between being desired and being fetishized, as Revelist’s managing editor Lauren Gordon recently reported. Spotting the signs of fetishization, like being encouraged to gain weight, being repeatedly referred to as a BBW, and having a lot of conversations that reference the size of your body, is important.

You want someone to be attracted to you, not obsessed with the fatness of your body — unless that’s something you’re interested in.

8. Dump anybody who attempts to malign you because of your size.

Backhanded compliments, weight-related jokes, and any other behavior rooted in fatphobia shouldn’t be tolerated — period. Your size does not make you a punchline or a punching bag.

9. Be unapologetic about having sex.

There’s nothing wrong with having sex once you get comfortable enough with your partner. You’re two consenting adults who shouldn’t be anchored to sexist understandings of “purity” and morality. Feel free and embrace your body. Don’t let your insecurities hold you back from fulfilling your sexual desires and fantasies.

Of course, it’s important to practice safe sex and openly communicate about sexual boundaries. Then, have fun and let loose in the no-judgment zone.

– Evette Dionne (revelist.com)

Styling ideas.

Why We Need Plus Size Representation In More Than Just Fashion

Arguably now more than ever, representation of plus size people in fashion is rising — with everyone from big name brands to independent labels including curve models and even plus size bloggers in many a campaign. With the rise of body positive rhetoric in popular culture, visible shifts in fashion’s utilization of plus size bodies are happening. I mean, would Ashley Graham have been on the cover of Cosmopolitan 10 years ago? Probably not, and she’s only a size 12/14.

The New York Times recently posed the question, “Why does the beauty industry ignore curvy models?” And I am at a loss for an answer. After all, there is no legitimate reason for beauty brands to exclude plus size or curve models in their campaigns, considering there’s no size limit to hair, makeup, skincare, or anything and everything in between. A fashion label may be able to get away with using only models sizes 10 and under if those are the only sizes being offered there (a questionable decision, in and of itself, of course), but beauty has never been an industry for the thin alone.

The thing is, it’s not like there’s a lack of plus size beauty bloggers in the world. I’ve personally never heard a plus size model come forth and adamantly take a stand against being booked for beauty gigs. And it’s not like plus size people don’t need, want, or use beauty products. As YouTube makeup vlogger Patrick Starrr puts it, “Makeup is a one size fits all.”

Read the full article HERE – Gina Tonic (bustle.com)

Ashley Graham 🌺

Insecurities almost cost me the love of my life

Love is a very beautiful thing especially when the other person makes you feel comfortable no matter what. Every situation is different of course and being a plus size woman definitely makes this a challenge to some. Us plus size women love to say that men don’t pay attention to us and always prefer the smaller skinnier chick which is not always true. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder..period and there is plenty of beauty to go around.

Me and my fiancee have been together now for 8 years and currently planning our wedding for the near future and he is physically in shape and smaller than me. Not once ever did this stop him from approaching me and trying to make me his girlfriend, he was always genuinely interested. Just like the topic of the blog at first i was very skeptical about the whole idea of him wanting me. To my surprise i was like “why does he want me?”.

Read the full article here on our blog section “Girl Talk

 

Off-Shoulder Floral Split Dress Available Here

Do you feel exposed or self-conscious slipping into your plus-size bikini? You’re not alone. Here’s how you can show plus-size body confidence!

#1 Decide that enough is enough. There has to come a point in your life when you say, “Enough is enough!” Your body is sexy and fabulous, and the sooner you realize that, the happier you’ll become. Life is too short to be ashamed of your body, or to spend another day not enjoying all of the perks that come with confidence. Don’t spend another day at the beach, wishing you were a size 0, or that you had the confidence of the bikini-wearing plus-size girl with her friends. Love the skin you’re in.

#2 Choose figure flattering, confidence-boosting clothes. One way to help overcome your fear of summer fashion is to buy the right clothes for your body. Many stylists categorize bodies in the following ways: stick straight, apple shaped, pear shaped, or hourglass shaped—and, fortunately, there’s a figure-flattering style for everyone!

If you aren’t a fan of your hips, don’t avoid wearing crop-tops or skirts altogether—just find the right style that works for you. High-waisted shorts and skirts are a great way to tuck in your troubled spots, while embracing summer fashion trends. Ruched bikini tops and bottoms give you a great shape, while twisted bandeau-style tops draw the eye to your curvy assets.

It’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you wear it, so choose figure-flattering pieces, and always walk with your head held high.

#3 Accessorize. There is something sickly satisfying about completing your outfit with the perfect hair, makeup, and accessories. When I was plus-sized, I foolishly decided that my body wasn’t gorgeous, so why should the rest of me be? I didn’t do my hair and I didn’t dress up, because I thought I didn’t deserve to be looked at. This all changed when I got into makeup: suddenly I wanted to dress up and be pretty, and I didn’t care what anyone else thought about it.

If you’re still struggling to accept and embrace your body, make sure you are doing something that makes you happy with your appearance. Curl and tease your hair, have fun and experiment with your makeup, or buy accessories that make you feel flashy and trendy. Do something that makes you look in the mirror and smile.

#4 Surround yourself with positivity. As Kelly Clarkson once stated in a body-positivity interview, just because this is how your body is now doesn’t mean it always will be. If your goal is to shed X amount of weight, or to eat healthier, or to start running—good for you! Embrace that goal, but don’t forget to love yourself in the meantime. Just because your body isn’t where you want it to be doesn’t mean it isn’t still gorgeous.

It’s important to surround yourself with positive people, and remove those who aren’t. Being surrounded by people who love you, support you, and make you feel good and confident about who you are and what you look like will make your life infinitely easier. Remember: once you start to love yourself and embrace your body for what it is, others will do the same.

– Minot Little (lovepanky.com)

“No Honey You’re Thinner Than Me, Not Prettier” T-Shirt Available Here

It is officially summer time! Here are some swimwear ideas.

How to Stop Fat-Shaming Yourself

I hate my cellulite. That cookie is going straight to my hips. You might think it’s no biggie to go low on your looks now and then, but words like these eat away at your confidence and self-worth. “Fat-talk comments are like Velcro; they stick to you, and they can start to become your identity,” says Cynthia Bulik, PhD, professor of eating disorders and nutrition at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine. Put a sock in it: The first step is to identify your body-bashing habits. Then replace them with more forgiving and actually accurate thoughts.

Week 1: Get up close and personal 

“Body bashing can be obvious,” says Bulik (think: I look fat). “But it also manifests in subtler ways.” This week is about being cognizant of fat talk in all its forms.

Face the mirror: Look at your reflection and note any negative thoughts about your appearance that pop into your head, says Bulik: “The mirror is where fat talk is usually automatic; we tend to focus on flaws.”

Spot silent fat talk: Next, keep tabs on nonverbal body-bashing habits you do day to day (sucking in your belly, pinching a bat wing). “The term for this is ‘body checking,’” says Bulik.

Watch for small critical moments: Maybe when you skim menus, you tell yourself, “I really shouldn’t have the burger.” Or other times you think, “I wish I could pull off skinny jeans like that girl.” “Fat talk isn’t just ‘I feel fat,’” says Rebecca Scritchfield, RDN, author of Body Kindness. “It’s all the ways we measure our bodies,” from policing our calories to comparing our looks with someone else’s.

Week 2: OK, now act!

This week, replace the negative thoughts with healthier ones—compliments included. Sound cheesy? You’ll get used to it, assures Bulik: “Giving yourself body-positive comments is like getting new glasses. They feel awkward at first, but you get used to them and they start to feel more like a part of you.”

Play “never would I ever”: Go over that list of fat-talk remarks you made last week and ask whether you would say them to your friend or daughter. “Surprise—the answer is ‘never’ every time,” says Scritchfield. “It’s a wake-up call to show how badly you’re treating yourself and how unhelpful negative self-talk is.”

Be body neutral: “It’s not realistic for everyone to go from being body negative to positive right away,” says Scritchfield. “You’re allowed to have vulnerable moments, but you have to shift the criticism.” Instead of “I look gross in this dress,” try, “I’m not gross; I’m just not feeling my most confident right now, and that’s OK.”

Week 3: Pass along the kindness

Fat talk is contagious, warns Scritchfield: “It spreads like a virus of negative energy.” Cultivate more body positivity toward others with these tips.

Have “no fat talk” zones: Social circles use body bashing as a bonding mechanism, says Bulik. Address the issue head-on when someone initiates it by saying, “Guys, no fat talk. None of that tonight.”

Don’t rush to judge: Catch yourself whenever you open a magazine and think a critical thought, or whenever you’re on the street and silently condemn a stranger’s shape or appearance. “We’re oddly compelled to judge,” says Bulik, who encourages you to call yourself out after each cruel thought. Remind yourself, “This is the kind of thinking that perpetuates fat talk. Not cool.”

Dish out props: Give at least one genuine compliment every day. “The goal of this is to really work the muscle of thinking with compassion, about yourself and other people, all the time,” says Scritchfield. It just may change the tone of your days.

– Jacqueline Andriakos (health.com)

F**k Fat Shaming!

Plus Size Fashion ideas for Summer

You may think you’re being nice, but…

The hardest part about being fat isn’t learning to love yourself. That comes with time. Once you realize you’re going to be living your life in a fat body, you either waste decades warring against it, or you find a way to come to a truce with your body. For a lot of us it’s a battle we fight every single day.

But it’s not the hardest one we face.

The hardest battle fat people face is existing as a fat person in a skinny person’s world. We want to mind our own business and have happy lives, but because we don’t live in a world where being fat is socially acceptable, every day we get lobbed with small bombs. The sad part is that many skinny people don’t even realize they’re doing it. Here are just 9 things people need to stop saying to fat women.

1. “You have such a pretty face” 

When you tell me this you’re telling me I have an ugly body. My face conforms to a certain standard we deem to be acceptable for women, and that’s what you praised me for — being acceptable. But you also let me know without saying so that my body isn’t acceptable. That my body is ugly. You didn’t mean to, but that’s exactly what you did.

2. “Oh, you aren’t fat.”

I am five two. I weigh 209 pounds. By any stretch of the imagination or scientific measure I am fat. Just ask my BMI. When you tell me I’m not fat, you think you’re making me feel better. What you’re actually doing is telling me that being fat is something terrifying and ugly, something you wouldn’t want your friend to have to suffer.

I’m not suffering. I am fat.

3. “I think that’s just in your head.” 

When I share a story about being fat shamed, you might think it’s helpful to suggest that what happened was in my head, that I’m sensitive to the behaviors and comments of others because I’m fat and insecure.

I am fat. I am NOT insecure. I am a proud, I am confident, and I’m also a fat woman and every time you make comments like this you’re undermining me and gaslighting me.I’m not the problem, the way we treat fat people is the problem.

4. “It’s just not healthy.”

I guarantee you that my blood pressure is better than yours. I guarantee you that my cholesterol is lower. I go to the gym, I lead an active lifestyle. You don’t know anything about me other than the visual information that’s been presented to you.

Don’t you dare assume that my size is an indicator of my health.

5. “Guys just aren’t attracted to fat women.”

Every single guy I’ve had sex with would absolutely disagree. And if a guy decides he doesn’t want to have sex with me because I’m fat, that’s totally his prerogative and probably okay because — surprise — I get a say in my partners too, and the idea of trying to pursue a man who doesn’t find me attractive in every way makes my vagina feel like sealing up.

6. “You do yoga?”

Yup. And I swim. And I use a treadmill. And I hike. And I lift weights. I do a lot of things, and I do them in this fat body.

When you act surprised or impressed when I do something physical, you’re contributing to a culture that hates fat people. Boom. Mic drop.

7. “I was going to invite to the clothes swap (or beach, or workout class, etc), but…”

Don’t exclude me because you think you’re doing me a favor. I might not be your size, but usually wine and chit chat and jewelry and shoes happen at clothing swaps, too. If you’re going to the beach, don’t assume I don’t want to go because I’m fat. I love the beach and I’ve got bathing suits for days. I’m fat and I deserve to be included.

8. “Let’s go bra shopping!” 

Your boobs are not like my boobs. Your boobs can shop at Target or buy bras online. My boobs can’t do that. My boobs are expensive, and hundred dollar bras are the norm. If YOU want company while you’re bra shopping that’s great, but let’s not pretend like H&M bras are going to do anything for what I’ve got going on, mkay?

9. “It’s really just about putting in less calories and putting out more.”

I’m going to share a secret with you now: we know. Every single fat adult knows exactly “how” to lose weight. We’ve tried diets. We’ve hurt our bodies trying to make them what you want them to be. We don’t look this way because we don’t understand eating or nutrition or exercise. We look this way because it’s how we were made. Don’t presume to think we want to change a damn thing about ourselves.

– Rebecca Jane Stokes (yourtango.com)